what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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