don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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