Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
