I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
