plz talk dirty to me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize