you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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