I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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