Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the raccoons are back...
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