guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Be still, my beating vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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