I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
