I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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