Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
