You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
