He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
sex in a hospital.. check
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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