3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
