I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
