All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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