I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
