Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
