Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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