Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
