i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
