So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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