Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my vag is so smooth its legendary
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
