I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
