I can't breathe out the right side of my face
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
