This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
