I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Small penises have feelings too.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
