y did u give ur computer a hand job?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
