Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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