he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
someone owes me an orgasm
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
