If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize