I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
