Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
