nut hugger
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize