dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
