yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
