If i come over, it means nothing
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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