It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
