i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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