marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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