I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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