Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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