I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
