why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
