hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
