I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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