I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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