I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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