Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
