i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
