I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's shark week go big or go home
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
