We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
