apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
