There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
