she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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