I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
