Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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