wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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