vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
