Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
