no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
