Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
